User Profile

Hello. I am an astronomy and physics major in a zoo. They have a mostly free range policy here, but the fence and other animals make it a bit hard to get to a telescope. Every once in a while, a non-native species is introduced into our herd. We either eat them for dinner, or assimilate them into our drunken collective. This is why they are referred to as freshmeat.


Once upon a time, there was a chicken named Larry. He died. But his ghost made 4 dimensional instantaneous coffee pies that are yummy in dimensions you can't even imagine. One day, he wanted to uncover his bones. But they were buried beneath a coffee shop. So he found a voice controlled wrecking ball and clucked with delight as the walls were reduced to a pile of coffee and donut scented rubble. All of the floor had been demolished except the part over his skeleton, which had an ancient curse from two weeks ago placed on it, making it immovable. So Larry went to cross the road and got run over by an emo band in a mac truck. Then the emo band got scared and played a song that didn't sound like a tortured duck-raptor thing, which defied the very laws of the universe. So they ripped a hole in the time-space continuum and everything got sucked through except Larry, who was alive again for some reason. Then Larry decided to become a professional dog. But his application was denied, so he killed the interviewer by summoning half the asteroid belt to his house. Meanwhile, there was a monkey who lived in a basement and heard a sound disturbingly like half the asteroid belt being summoned to his residence. So he insulted the asteroids and they got sad and went home. So Larry became another Thing and got sucked into a Completely Unrelated Thing. The End.

This has absolutely nothing to do with my life. Just seeing if anyone would read it.

Friends (16):

Mutual Friends (15):

Also Friend of (1):